Being brave (and thinking long term)

I ran with Vanessa yesterday.  I’d had another rubbish week (weekend long run cut short to 7 miles, hill runs session cancelled) so we’d agreed to keep the pace easy. It did the trick. My confidence was restored and, more importantly, I enjoyed it.
It was also very cathartic. Vanessa is a brutally honest person and I admire her and am grateful for that.
We talked about the marathon again . I had already begun to think that I might need to change my goals a bit because I haven’t been able to train as I wanted to the last month or so.
Vanessa asked if I should even be doing the marathon at all.

This is what I have decided after talking things through with Vanessa and then with sarah.

1) the marathon has actually already served a purpose.  It got me running again. The fear of it got me out of bed on cold, dark winter mornings. So I’m glad I entered it. Whatever happens.
2) I’ve got nothing to prove. I’ve run a marathon before. I’d like to complete this one, too, but not at any cost. Not if the price is too high.
3) even if (when!) I do complete it, it will be slow! I’ve got to put all secret dreams of 4 and a half hours out of my head. Possibly even 5 hours, too. But that is okay. The important thing is that I can continue to run after doing it.
4) I want to still be able to run after I’ve done the marathon. I want to be running in 6months time. I want to be running this time next year. I want to be running in 10 years time. Running is my sanity check, my ticket out of the house. It makes my world a better place.
5) my half marathon tomorrow is just a long run on the way to the marathon.  Its not a race.  My main aim is to finish it but to finish in a way that won’t harm me. I need to run slowly. I need to swallow my pride and aim to run as easily as possible.

It pains me to say this but I need to aim to take about 2 and a half hours. This feels like a time I’d be ashamed to tell people about, which is a terrible thing to say. But it’s 40 minutes slower yhan my PB.
But I have to think of the bigger picture.  Be brave. Think about what’s best for me not what I think other people think.

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8 thoughts on “Being brave (and thinking long term)

  1. Ahhhh, but when did you achieve your PB for the half? And how much training did you put into it? My UK father-in-law ran a sub 3-hour London marathon in the ’80s. He still participates in parkruns and races and club relays all the time, but he fully accepts he will never be able to run a sub 3-hour marathon again. And he’s okay with that. Perhaps it’s the acceptance part you’re having the most issues with. Be proud of what you have accomplished in the past, but don’t put unrealistic expectations on yourself. Yesterday is but a memory, so live for today. And with that being said, I hope you have a great time with your half! You may surprise yourself in how fast you actually are! 🙂

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    • Thank you 🙂 am just sat here eating final bit of toast before setting off for the race and you’re spot on. Thank you. Pride is a terrible thing 😉 I’m going to just enjoy it

      Liked by 1 person

  2. best of luck with the half tomorrow – i didn’t get the time i was looking for last week, but after reflection, in the big scheme it all fits…and face it, how many people can claim they go out and run 13.1 miles for fun! cheers!

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  3. Anyway. .. was going to say yes! Just need to concentrate on the fact that I’m here! !! And that in itself is an achievement. Oh gosh! Really nervous now! Here goes. ..

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  4. Pingback: Did it! (Colchester Half Marathon) | 11months26miles

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