So things were going well. I’d run a Parkrun and then 11 miles the next day. I was feeling good, and I was feeling positive. I was feeling smug, because everyone around me seemed to be going down with colds or getting ill, and I wasn’t. I was enjoying it all.
Then, last Friday, I got up early to run with Sophie (who actually didn’t end up running) and I felt awful. Rubbish. My hamstring hurt. My legs felt like lead. I felt like I had nothing in me. I headed home after a mile or so.
But I tried not to worry, and prepared for my planned long run on the Sunday. I was out with the family, so the plan was to run home. I headed out. I couldn’t run. I shuffled for a bit, then headed back to meet Jan and the kids.
“What are you doing? Get back out there. Run home, even if you have to shuffle or walk the whole way!”
I headed back out. My legs wouldn’t move. I gave up again, and headed back to the family.
Jan just doesn’t understand this kind of attitude. But, in the end, he just gave a resigned shrug.
I tried again that evening. I usually go swimming. I can always swim. Even when I feel really rubbish! I swam during my most recent pregnancy, even when I had spent the day vomiting until I had nothing left to throw up.
I couldn’t swim either.
I gave up. My body was obviously trying to tell me something.
But it really affected my confidence. I wasn’t ill. And Jan’s incredulity that I would just give up on something when I wasn’t in bed with a raging temperature stayed with me. I worried that I’d just lost my mojo and that was it. I was no longer a runner.
Yes. I really am that dramatic, when left to think for too long!
But it has made me re-evaluate everything, too. I’m glad I’ve entered this marathon. It got me out there and running again. It scared me into running, even on the darkest, coldest, tiredest mornings. But I don’t want it to ruin me. I don’t want to end up injured or exhausted.
I had a long chat with Vanessa on the way back from swimming last night about it all. She said that running has been so good for me, and she’s worried I’ll put it all at risk for the sake of achieving something that, actually, I don’t HAVE to achieve. And she’s right.
So I will continue to run. But I will be careful. And I won’t do the marathon if the cost is too high.
Anyway… I got out there again on Wednesday, doing a hills session with people from school. And I had a (rather rubbish) run/ walk today. I also did a swim session last night. I will aim to run for longer on Sunday. I will see how it goes.