Ups and downs and panics and low points

What do you do when you can’t run? How do you stop yourself panicking when you’ve missed a week? How do you stop yourself getting into a downward spiral?  Do you accept it and move on? Or try and compensate? How do you draw a line and keep going? How do you get going again?

The week started badly. I was due to run with Sarah on Tuesday morning, but I slept through my alarm. I’m using one of those vibrating ones, as J objected to being woken up by my mobile all the time. I tried putting it on my leg but, evidently, it didn’t work. It just got smothered by the duvet!

I got up feeling frustrated and pissed off and a bit worried and guilty (in case Sarah had waited for me) and just…..annoyed. I felt resentful of J for asking me not to set the alarm on my phone. I felt all sorts of things. I managed to rant to my running buddies (via messanger) rather than saying any of this, luckily. But it was not a good start to the week.

By Wednesday, I was full-on pre-menstrual and my mood was terrible. Thursday and Friday were bad days, too. I tried to run this morning with Kate, but it just wasn’t happening. And now, my throat is sore, which is what my colleague has. Her daughter has had full-blown high temperature etc. I’m hoping the rest of it passes me by…

I am finding it hard to just shrug this off.

I know if this was someone else, I’d be telling them not to worry. It happens. Tomorrow is another day. The marathon’s not until May. You’ve had a bad week. It’s winter. You have three kids, and work is knackering right now. Just forget it and move on.

But I can’t convince myself of all that right now. I’m feeling flat and panicky and I want to get back out there and have a decent run again.

What a difference a week makes….

 

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12 thoughts on “Ups and downs and panics and low points

  1. Happens to us all – and is made especially worse due to stupid PMS! Once you get running again hopefully all the shit feelings will go away! You know in the back of your mind that it’s fine but you just can’t convince yourself of it right now, and thats ok – just get back to running when you can and soon enough you’ll be wondering what you were ever worried about! Hope you feel a bit better and have a better week this week!

    Liked by 2 people

    • ah thanks. That was a really lovely comment. You’re right- when things are going well, you can’t imagine what it was like when it was feeling awful. I guess it works both ways… 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh I know you mean about dwelling in the negative. It’s SO hard to dig out of those feelings even when your rational side can explain what’s going on.

    I had a bad run the other day. I was waiting for the temps to come up a bit, but then hadn’t eaten properly to start a run so late. So in my mind, I knew what was going on when I started to bonk. But in my feelings I worried about the continued success of my entire running career.

    Liked by 1 person

    • ha! yes that’s right. In my most negative moments, I’m wondering if I’ll ever run again 😉 ah well… another day… another run… am sure it’ll all be better next week. I certainly feel better for “talking” about it!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh how rubbish. It’s an awful feeling. But I do think that part of your brain that knows it’s ok is right! That probably won’t make you feel any better
    right now though. Big hugs and here’s to a much better week next week x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ah thanks. And actually- it does. Even just writing it all down made me feel better. And now the lovely comments and the reminder that it’s all just part of the process has also really helped. And yes- here’s to next week! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I completely understand how you are feeling having had a series of bad runs myself recently. Having 3 kids as well i know how had it can be to even get the opportunity to run and its soul destroying when you make the effort only to end up wondering why you bothered. My solution was to take a break from running for a few days and just not think about it. The result? today I nailed a 10k pb. Just wait it out and it will get better – I promise!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Oh you’re so right! And I’ve just done a similar thing (no pb, but just headed out and had a great run). If only I could’ve just taken a break. I will really try and do that next time. You know when you’re just being a wuss, and when things are actually not working as they should. I guess at those times, you should just step back and say: maybe tomorrow…. I’m glad I ranted about it here, as it’s been so lovely to read all the lovely supportive comments. Thanks for writing. And well done on the PB. That’s fab!! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m there with you. After my last marathon, I took 10 days off. Willingly. I had a calf thing that was on the brink of being really bad so I stopped. It cleared up, and I spent a week running. Then I got a really awful cold. Enter another 10 day hiatus. Coming back after that was TERRIBLE. I considered just not coming back at all. I feel like I lost so much fitness and I feel like crap on every single run. I’m hoping that since I ripped off the bandaid and ran a few times last week, that this week will be a little better. Ugh. Hang in there, I know how you feel!!! Life happens 🙂

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